I had a lot of ideas running through my head but seemed too far fetched then I realized our life experience is a story that we can share with world no matter how down drained it may look.I never liked the mirror or taking photos growing up and this lucidly showed my low self esteem as I could not bear looking at my own reflection in the mirror or photos. In town, girls of my age groups would walk with their chin up and their chest out and during this period I wore baggy clothes that exposed little of my flesh and I avoided people and that is why I used to get a taxi even though I could not afford it and this left me penniless.Without knowing it, the situation escalated and I took mere jokes that were aimed at me personal. I became anti social and this further shrieked the little self esteem I had. Spiral of silence became a common thing for me, I rarely passed my own opinion I discussions that had many participants.
Relationships ended where they started. Did not feel like I deserved the love so I jeopardised my own relationships thinking that every man that came my way just wanted to use me and I was not worth of true love.Time past with this problem of mine and people around me did not notice it and they thought everything was going well with me, at least I thought. Others thought I was just anti social. One day after taking a shower my grandmother came into my room and stood at the door without saying a word to me, she just stared at me. I greeted her and continued with applying lotion on my body and was avoiding the mirror. She asked me to sit on the bed and look at the mirror kkkk and honestly I did not look at the mirror but at her with a puzzled face. My grandma repeated the question so I looked at it as she had asked. I loved what I saw in the mirror. I did not know the shape of my smile and I loved the reflection I saw in that mirror.
My grandma told me I was beautiful and I should treat myself as such, she told me to look in the mirror everyday and compliment myself before start my day. She gave me money to go and buy a makeup kit, well she told me I was a lady and lady maintains their bodies and beauty. For a long time of suffering from low self esteem those words shifted my whole world. I instantly knew how I wanted to look like, how I wanted to present myself.The transition is not easy but I would wake up everyday and look in the mirror and tell myself I was pretty. I began to feel part of the crowds I hanged around with and giving presentations at school became easy and as I would not take any objection passed personal. Sometimes I would spend time in my baggy clothes but with time I reached to the personality I wanted.
Putting make up does not give confidence but process of applying it makes you appreciated your beauty. The time that you take putting eyeliner makes you like your eyes as you will be giving yourself time to beautify them. Self value is the kick off point for self confidence. Confidence starts from within.I discovered that having self love gave me the ability to openly talk to people and have conversations that flow as you will be able to speak your mind without spiral of silence and that freedom makes you feel relaxed around other people.
Having my self esteem helped improve my relationships. Sometime the road is not easy but you keep on trying. In every relationship I get into, I tell myself I deserve the best and I deserve to be loved because am worth it. Appreciating your value helps you in the decisions you make in your relationships, it will not make you settle for a relationship that you feel drained just because you think that is all you deserve. You are worth every beautiful thing life has to offer because you are priceless and this is a lesson I learnt in my journey to restoring myself esteem.
Thank you
