Why We Should Respect Our Elders – And Why We Shouldn’t!

This post is a reply to the Question of the Week by @ecotrain, who prompts an interesting topic to write about each week. While I usually just read the amazing responses, this time I don’t want to miss out posting my own two cents. This weeks the question was regarding respecting our elders. Is it an outdated concept, or something still advisable today?

The Quick Answer:

Why we should respect our elders? Because they are people like us, living beings, and entities of this world. Just like youngsters, horses, bears, cacti, or silica. And that alone deserves respect! Why we shouldn’t? I’d say for any additional reason, generally speaking, that is. Of course, each individual has some unique attributes, which may deserve additional respect (or even the contrary if that shall be the case), but that all depends on who they are, what they’ve done, and for what reason.

Source

What Are We Actually Talking About?

Usually, when people refer to “respecting our elders”, they mean that children (or young adults) should be considerate of people of age. They should hold the doors for them, offer them their seat on the bus, and most importantly, listen to what they have to say (implying that they should also follow it, though at that point many people draw the line with a wink). The rational behind this generalized “respect for elders” is that they have been around longer, seen and experienced more, and are therefor wiser than young people who were “ just born yesterday”.

Possible Roots of This Phenomenon

Some people say, this notion that the elderly are more knowledgeable in general is a trademark of agricultural society. In hunting-gathering cultures, following or not following an older person’s advice may have resulted in immediate but short-reaching failure or success, but never in long-term ones. Not so in a farming culture, where the accumulated knowledge of the elderly affected the farmer’s success of the entire season. So while a young fisherman who throws his elder’s advice into the wind, that he should not try to go fishing in the desert, may correct his error after a few days. The young farmer on the other hand, who disregards her elder’s words about planting in the right season, may suffer the effects for a whole year! No wonder that with this background we would develop a quasi religious reverence to the words of the aged. In some cases this became actual religion, in form of ancestor worship.

Our Elders Are Real People, Just Like Us!

However, if we examine them closely, our elders are simply people, no more and no less than everyone else. Sure, they may have more knowledge and life experience, simply because they’ve had the chance to develop it. But merely their age does not guarantee this. In fact, there may be many younger people who have accumulated as much knowledge and / or skills, wisdom, understanding, etc. in other areas of life. Or not… It all depends on the individual.

Respect for All People

I generally like to advocate respect for everyone. Personally, I like to hold the door for anyone, and if I see that someone might like to sit down on the bus (more than me), say because they are on crutches, or are pregnant, or elderly, or even because they ask me, of course I let them have it. But just because someone is a woman, or looks older than me? That’s not reason enough.

When it comes to listening to people, I don’t like to make exceptions either. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I am actually quite curious to know these opinions. So I listen to them, no matter how old the person is. However, once I have gained an idea of what it is that they are saying, I don’t hesitate to give them my opinion as well. Okay, I admit, sometimes I consider it futile to continue the discussion, depending on the impression I get, but if the person is somewhat capable of reasoning, I will tell them what I think. Once again, disregarding their age.

Consequences?

Yes, this attitude has caused me quite some trouble before. It has happened that I was accused of being a thick-headed youngster, someone who doesn’t know the world, someone who has to learn by falling on his own nose, or even some lost case who cannot be helped. Usually the controversy was brought up by such issues as paying taxes, fathering children, or honoring my homeland (whatever that means). The accusations ranged from being an irresponsible hippie dreamer to a dangerous menace to the order of our society. Yes, it’s apparent: this expected respect for our elders has been used as a far reaching tool of social manipulation. It has sent young people to war, into unintended marriages, into pursuing activities that leave them unfulfilled, into feelings of guilt, shame, and despair. These should be reasons enough for questioning whatever our elders tell us.

Lessons:

Back in my rebellious teens, when I discussed this issue with old punks who had cut their mohawks, the lesson I learned was this: once a punk, always a punk. As long as you do what you think is best, it doesn’t matter what haircut you have. Back then I thought these words of a guy who had walked my path before me made a lot of sense, and decided to follow them. Today, I look back at it with pride, that I have been so intelligent to respect these wise words of this particular elder. Since then I have tried a variety of haircuts and styles. Deep inside, however, I stayed true to my punk principle: do whatever the fuck you want. It’s your (that is MY) life, after all.