This week's @ecotrain Question of the Week asks: “Do our emotions dictate our lives or do our lives dictate our emotions?” Put simply, I think it's one of those questions where the answer is, 'a bit of both'. While we have no control over certain things in our lives, we do have some control over ourselves and how we allow external things to affect us.
A while ago, I watched a talk on how we make our own happiness. One of the examples given was a group of people who were all contracted to do photos. Their two best photos were upsized and printed and they were told they could keep one and the other would be sent to fulfil the contract. Half of them were told that once the decision was made, they couldn't change their mind and the other half had two weeks within which they could change their mind and choose to keep the other instead. Of those who couldn't change their mind, they reported being happy with their choice further down the line. Of those who could change their mind, most of them did and further down the line, most of them also regretted their choice.
It seems that we are often happier with our lot when we have no choice other than to accept our situation. When we're always trying to find greener grass, because we have the freedom to choose, then we're often never happy for long. Concluding that happiness is often much more our own choice than outside influence.
Emotions, in general, are our reaction to outside sources, but we have a choice as to how much we allow them to control our lives. We are odd creatures, really, in that we tend to remember the negative more than the positive and we often blame what we can't control for the how we feel in our lives. A wonderful few days on a holiday could be overshadowed by one event where something went wrong and suddenly we feel that our whole holiday was ruined.
So there is no denying that our lives do dictate our emotions, but our emotions can also end up dictating our lives, if we let them. Someone who is quick to anger at the slightest provocation is going to affect those around them and will likely receive negative responses in return.
Emotions are contagious. Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to be happy and positive? The people around them react to this and enjoy their company, creating a happy and positive feedback loop. There is a girl who works at the supermarket I visit on occasion and whenever she serves me I walk out smiling and feeling peppy. When asked why, I found it hard to express exactly why. She just does the generic greeting and questions of ‘how's your day been?’ etc. but she does it with such a lovely smile and is so upbeat that I can't help, but respond and I'm not generally a talker. She makes you feel like she's genuinely interested in you and likes you, even seems to remember you from previous visits.
We can affect our emotions if we choose, so if we choose to look at it as our life affecting them, then we are avoiding taking any responsibility for them. While if we choose to look at it as our emotions affecting our lives, then we take on some responsibility and control of them.
Yet now I look at the question again, I start to wonder if I looked at it the right way. Could the question also be phrased as "Do we allow our emotions dictate our lives or do we let our lives dictate our emotions?" It's really all perspectives, isn't it?