In order for us to move forward in life we need to accept what is happening. From there we can then make the decision on how we wish to move forward. I have written recently about how important it is to accept our emotions, that in doing so we take responsibility for them, we honour them and learn from them. We then allow our lives to be in flow and we all know how I like things to flow. It is the natural way of things in nature.
But what happens when it is some one else's behaviour that you are being asked to accept. Generally I am fine about this, within reason of course, as each person is on their own life journey and one thing that I have learnt, is that it is really important to accept people for who they are. We are not here to change people, that has to come from self. We can possibly offer guidance but the best is to live by example.
But, what if someone whom you love is not being treated with the respect they deserve. When in a time when they need to be living a stress free life due to their health, the person closest to them is constantly putting their stress onto them, is putting their needs first and making my loved one feel guilty for being unwell. My heart is screaming out to go talk to this person and tell them that what they are doing is wrong, that their behaviour is dis respectful and really is damaging the healing of my loved one. But I know if I say these things then they will be repeated and cause more stress and possible result in me being alienated from the person I care most about. How do I know this, because that person whom I care about has always put this other person first.
When you have always put other people's well being before your own, it can be very difficult to change that way of thinking. A lot of that comes down to your feelings of self worth, in actually believing that you matter, that you deserve to put yourself first sometimes. A lot of it has to do with self love. So much imbalance in ones life, comes from a lack of self love. I have tried to sit with this person and talk to them about the importance of self care and self love, listening is the easy part and so is agreeing. But that means nothing if the person does not believe it, does not feel it.
I will keep trying, because this is the person that needs to feel loved and appreciated, who needs to feel supported. But I feel like this is not enough. I have been known to speak my truth in the past, to the point of, putting some people in their place, by being very open about their behaviour and how it is affecting either me or others. But this time if I were to choose this approach that person would become very upset, would feel under attack and would straight away put everything I have said on to the person I am trying to protect.
This is what makes it so complicated, because I feel like I need to do more, but in doing more I could make matters worst. What to do?
I know I have to accept that these two people have been together a long time and it is their life, their path. I have no right to tell anyone person how they should live and what would be the point, because, like I have said already any awareness, any change must come from oneself.
So I have had to bite my tongue a few too many times, I have had to be nice to someone whom I have found to be very selfish at times. I am trying my best to Accept that this is the way this person has always been and just because a tragedy has come into our lives does not mean that it will bring more awareness or understanding. I really was hoping it would, but it has not. I also have to accept that because of this tragedy this behaviour has become worst, I am trying, really I am but I am finding it so difficult.
It can be so hard to think rationally when you are feeling emotional, it can also be really hard to see from some one else's point of view, I do understand that, but it is not impossible. Surely there most be some little thing that I could do to maybe help bring more awareness to the situation. To help one see how important it is to put someone else's needs above your own, especially when that said person is undergoing so much suffering. I am writing this with the hope that it will help me to be more understanding, that it will bring me more clarity about the situation. I do not what to upset the person who is suffering, they have chosen to be with this person and as such knows them better than me. Like I have said it is their life, not mine.
My focus has to remain with the person I am supporting, but maybe some gentle questioning of the other person maybe helpful. Maybe ask what they think would help to create a more stress free environment, maybe talk about how important it is for a stress free environment, to talk about the effects of stress and worry on some one who is unwell. I am worried though that if I begin to talk about this then it will be hard to not talk about behaviours, especially if that one person responses in a certain way or is in denial.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions I am really open to hear them. Maybe I should just accept things as they are and leave well alone. But I do not like to turn a blind eye on things, that sort of thing just happens way too much as it is. We need to be coming together in times like this and I feel open and honest communication is really important, but I also do not want to introduce anymore stress or worry.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. What is the right thing to do? I really don't know.
All I do know is that I am struggling to accept the behaviours of one person and I am struggling to accept that I can do nothing.
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