In comments on my last post, I was talking with @englishtchrivy about how difficult it is, as a woman, to maintain friendships with women. My point of view is that this directly results from the poisons of society creeping into the relationship. Body image is a fantastic example. In my youth, the only other women available for friendship were fashion non-conforming individuals who, like myself, were unable to achieve the accepted ideal due to lack of funding or religious insulation. Lucky for me, I was a dedicated reader. I was able to tune out much of the rejection in favor of fantasy worlds created by the writers I hoped to one day be. (By the way, it still has not happened.)
Infighting for women has it's own catchy name. It is both encouraged and judged.
Still, no matter how voraciously I read, I have not escaped the carrying of these poisons into my female-female friendships.
What I have accomplished is developing resistance through conscious, repeat exposure. What this means to me is when jealous thoughts or fears begin to rise, I look directly at them. I take hold of them. I talk about them with my friend if I am unable to tame them on my own. I ask my friends to do the same with me. That is why my relationships last years instead of weeks or months. It is also why they resurface after catastrophe. It has been particularly challenging to accept that they look different after all is said and done.
Different isn't always a loss.
While I have tried to be light and strong about the recent friendship loss, it genuinely hurts. I recognize the change is a positive one. I am open to it because I am resistant to the poison that would require me to stay friends with someone who purposefully hurt me--an individual who is deeply poisoned in their own way. Choosing to reflect on the non-toxic moments we shared gives me strength. I enjoy feeling strong.
Thoughts?